Closure Isn’t Given - It’s Chosen
Have you ever felt stuck—unable to move on or heal—because you were waiting for closure from someone? Maybe something was left unsaid, or you were searching for clarity over a broken promise. A final conversation that never happened.
How long would you wait for it? Days? Weeks? Months? Years?
And what if that closure never comes?
What if I told you closure isn’t something anyone can give you?
Closure is something you give to yourself. It’s not an apology or explanation from someone else. It’s the process of understanding, acceptance, and release.
I’ve been there—many times. And I know most of us have. But after years of quiet reflection, healing, and growing self-awareness, I’ve learned something most people probably don’t want to hear:
Even if someone gives you that closure, even if someone says all the right things—even if they take accountability—will it give you peace? Will the questions stop? Will it truly help you let go?
I believe we only accept what we’re truly ready and willing to understand. If you’re not ready to receive their truth—or if it doesn’t match what you experienced, what you felt, or what you’ve been piecing together to make sense of it all—it won’t land. It won’t satisfy. It won’t matter.
They could say, “I cheated because I felt lonely,” or “I lied because I didn’t want to upset you.” Will that really soothe the pain? Will it change anything? Will you be able to move on without those answers producing more questions for you?
At some point, you have to realise: closure isn’t about getting the perfect explanation. It’s not about getting that apology. It’s about reclaiming your sense of peace, even without all the answers.
Real healing doesn’t begin with them—it begins with you.
The real shift for me happened when I stopped waiting for someone else to make it right and started looking inward. I asked myself: What did I ignore? What boundaries did I fail to hold? What part did I play in all this? What can I do about it now? Because the truth is, we can’t control what other people do with their mistakes. We can only take responsibility for what we do with ours.
And the truth hit hard—I spoke of my boundaries, but I didn’t enforce them. I voiced them over and over, but then I forgave again and again when they were crossed. I thought if I kept trying, kept forgiving, kept giving… maybe it would pay off. Maybe things would change.
But life doesn’t work that way.
People give only what they’re capable of—and only what they’re willing to offer. Some don’t even know what they want—so they can’t offer anything stable to others. Everyone is at a different point in their journey, and if someone doesn’t understand themselves, how could they possibly know how to meet your needs?
The truth is, if we don’t understand ourselves, we don’t fully understand our needs. And if we don’t understand our needs, not only will we struggle to express them clearly to others—but we’ll also be unaware of the emotional weight of what we can and cannot give. This is why self-awareness matters. It’s why boundaries matter. And it’s why it’s so important to connect with people who’ve done that inner work too.
Boundaries aren’t just something you name—they’re something you live. And the earlier you set them, the better. Not halfway through the connection. Not after red flag number ten. From the start. That way, those who can’t or won’t meet you at your level can walk away sooner—and save you the heartache of giving your all to someone who was never ready to give anything back.
If you don’t have boundaries, don’t be surprised when the same pain, the same cycle, keeps repeating itself.
It’s easy to say, “I give my all.” It’s also easy to feel sorry for ourselves and ask, “Why does this keep happening to me?” — when the answer has been there all along: because you keep letting people cross your basic needs and personal boundaries over and over again. Some of us even knew that answer already deep down, but chose to ignore it — afraid to lose the very person who kept crossing those lines.
The more you allow someone to cross them, the less they’ll believe your boundaries matter at all.
Implementation only comes when you respect yourself enough to enforce them. And if someone isn’t willing to respect your boundaries, see your value, or meet your needs, you walk away—even if you’re craving affection or longing for their attention. Not because you stopped caring, but because you finally remembered what you deserve.
And when you finally do that—when you break that cycle—you’ll be surprised at how much changes. Because you start setting your boundaries early. Because you know your truth, you live your truth, and you love yourself enough to uphold it.
Boundaries are not something to be ashamed of. The right people will respect them—often without even needing to be told. Why? Because true boundaries are forged from your deepest needs and desires, from the essence of who you are. And anyone who tries to push against or diminish them isn’t protecting you—they’re challenging your sense of self.
If someone makes you feel guilty for having boundaries, that’s a red flag.
Not everyone seeks to understand themselves. Some go through life unaware of how their words and actions affect others. And the worst? The ones who are aware—but still choose to harm. Narcissists. Gaslighters. People who weaponise empathy. The ones who pretend not to understand when really, they just don’t care to. You are not imagining it. And it is not your fault.
So here’s what I’ve learned: It doesn’t matter why they did what they did. Stop trying to decode them. Stop waiting for closure they can’t give you.
Figure you out. Take ownership of your actions. Forgive yourself. Accept what happened.
And then let it go.
That’s closure. That’s peace. That’s power.
You owe it to yourself.
And if you’ve been waiting for a sign—this is it.
You don’t have to wait anymore.
Give yourself the closure you’ve been looking for — not because you need it, but because you deserve it.
🖤